The Most Depressing Thing I've Ever Read

Yesterday, I received an email from a friend in which he chronicled, in detail, his latest DIY project: a sort of hard hat hommage to Star Wars, fashioned in the likeness of R2D2. Not art for art's sake, mind you, but something he planned to sport on an actual construction site. I thought that would be the saddest thing I'd read all week, but the next night I encountered--rather, unwrapped--the single most depressing bit of prose these eyes have ever seen.

There imprinted on the shiny, crinkled surface of a candy wrapper, this helpful gem of wisdom:

It was enough to make me want to seek refuge, Sylvia Plath style, under the reassuring weight of my mattress.

So, remember ladies: don't worry about finding Mr. or Ms. right. Chocolate is there for you, now and forever.